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Sunday, October 13, 2013

Review: Green Sauna, Gardena

Amenities: 1/5
Cruisiness: 2/5

Price: $15

Pros: None.
Cons: Small, dirty, horrible.

Well, I finally have a least favorite Korean spa.

Green Sauna is in a mini-mall in Gardena. It's in the corner, and the storefront is hard to figure out if you're in the right place. Right off the bat, it's weird.

You enter around a curtain and you're immediately in the locker room. The locker room is nothing special. Going into the spa, there are three upright showers (two to the left of the door, one to the right), three seated showers, a large-ish hot pool, and a cold pool. There's a steam room and a "Jade room" at the far end.

The steam room wasn't steamy. The hot pool wasn't really that hot. There were no lights in the jade room (which was basically a room with a headed stone floor), but the walls appeared to be cork or something, and I think the lights would have revealed the cork to be peeling off.

There was mildew on the walls. There was mildew on the floors (seriously, there was a massive black patch on the steam room floor). There was mildew on the ceiling. There was mildew on the bottle of conditioner in the shower. I am not exaggerating. Some of the tiles had come off in the warm pool, creating a little pile of dirt on the bottom (the jets didn't really work, so I could see the bottom... I guess it was a good thing that the water wasn't cloudy.)

I had the place to myself for most of the time I was there, which made it kind of creepy. I've had spas to myself before and I wasn't creeped out, but this place did creep me out.

Pretty much the only thing this place had going for it was the fact that if you did find someone to fool around with, there is both plenty of privacy and the steam room and jade room are cool enough that you can last a while in there without passing out.

When I was getting dressed to leave, a female employee walked through the locker room. It doesn't really bother me (I've been in plenty of coed nudist situations) but it might freak some people out.

I did a google search on this place and I found some old posts on forums alluding to possible "happy ending" massages by the female masseuses. The posts were misogynistic and racist and just seemed creepy to me. Granted, the posts were years old, but still.

Seriously, don't bother with this spa.
 
I'm not even giving out their address.